Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Finding That Leading Lady

It is easy to become overwhelmed when approaching relationships. In a world where marriage means so little, a world where living together is often viewed as the wiser alternative, what does it take for a guy to find a real relationship? How do you find that leading lady with whom you can build a relationship that can stand the test and the trials of a real relationship?

In an attempt to organize my thoughts, here are a few steps that any guy can take in the pursuit of that leading lady.

Figure out what it means to be yourself first and foremost. I cannot stress this enough. You need to first begin to understand who you are to become the man worthy of that strong of a relationship. I'm not saying that you have to be perfect or even perfectly understand who you are. However, if you find yourself tempted to pretend you likely something you don't care about when around a particular girl, you are fooling both her and yourself. As a man, you need to be able to articulate your preferences and how you feel without bending to the temptation to pretend to be something other. Only a girl who sees who you are can appreciate you for who you are.

As juvenile as this sounds, make a list of what you desire in a woman. Don't base this list on a particular girl, but stop and really think about what you want in that girl--and note what is really important and necessary to you. It doesn't have to be long or short, but the act of making this list will help you realize what you really want in a woman. Don't be afraid to value physical traits, but I can confidently promise that a blonde, skinny airhead wouldn't make a satisfactory list. Make sure to value the mental and emotional above the physical. Before I met my wife, I created a list of traits I wanted in my future wife. The list didn't always stay the same and wasn't that long. But it mattered. I prayed over that list and placed those desire before God. And I can honestly stay that every single one of those traits and characteristics have been met in my wife.

Look for this list. That woman exists. Don't budge on the traits you know that you need in a woman. And refuse to accept ones that you know you can't stand.

Pursue her. Woo her. Make sure that she knows that you are interested in her and that you desire a relationship with her. This is the hardest and most important part of finding that leading lady. You will feel more confidant in the relationship and so will she if you both know that you are willing to step forward and take the lead. Now, be ready to give her space if she needs it and respect every woman's boundaries and concerns. Pursing a woman means that you personally tell her that you are interested--not over text message, e-mail, or phone but face-to-face. If she says that she needs space, give it. I'm not saying give up, I'm saying acknowledge that sometimes the woman needs the opportunity to clarify her own feelings. Keep pursuing her--but accept the friendship boundary until she is ready for more.

Patience. Patience. Patience. Pursuing a girl takes time. Within the first week of meeting Courtney, I learned that she had every single trait on my list. I knew that I was interested in her--and I made it clear to her as well. Unfortunately (from my perspective), she was not yet ready for a relationship. She was unsure of how she felt about entering a relationship at that time, especially concerning she had known me for a week. I never stopped pursuing her. She wanted us to remain firmly friends, and we did for a couple months. But because I was willing to give her the time and space she needed, our relationship was able to start when she was ready for it.

Never give up on finding the right girl. She's out there. Keep trying and looking. Never give up.


(For my wife's take on the same topic from a woman's perspective click here).

1 comment:

  1. That's right, never give up. I remember back in high school and the beginning of college how many relationships I failed to start. I remember wanting to just give up because nothing ever worked for me. Nevertheless, I always told myself that good things come to those who wait and that God will decided who the right woman is for me. After waiting and waiting patiently and impatiently, God answered my prayer. He introduced me to Andrea, my fiancee. So, just like Andrew said "Patience is key."